Faith

Testimonial

My testimonial is different than most. Usually, people talk about not knowing God and then being transformed once they start a relationship with Him. For me, as long as I can remember we talked about, worshiped and praised God. I feel like I “caught” my faith from my grandmother when I was just a small child. She took care of me while my parents worked. My grandma always set aside time for prayer. She would sit in a quiet space and her lips would be going a mile a minute. Her love for Jesus was SO obvious. She prayed for everyone and everything. Her faith was always her comfort.

As I grew older, I developed my own relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Depending on what was happening in my life He was Father, Friend, Comforter or usually the very thing I needed at that moment in time.

Looking back on my life the internal struggles always happened when I was pulling away, trying to live life my way, taking it for granted that when I needed Him again, he would be there. During certain times in my life, I ignored God and wasn’t a very good friend. Then when I would think there is no solution for whatever problem I had I would offer it up, usually in frustration. Okay, God, I’ve tried everything, what do you have? Usually, a solution would show up quickly after that surrender. Sometimes it wasn’t exactly how I had thought it would happen but I always felt so much peace after surrendering. Every single time I think God was saying, “Well if you had asked me in the beginning of this thing I would have shown you the path to take and we could have saved all the drama.” So, did God make my life perfect during the periods when I was praying regularly, reading scripture, honoring him with my life? Nope. My husband and I have experienced sudden deaths of loved ones, including both our parents, financial burdens, having to care for sick loved ones, the list goes on and on. A life with God at the center does not guarantee happy times and perfection, BUT it does guarantee that you have someone with you always. God does not cause bad things in our lives but, He is shoulder to shoulder with us to help us through them. In my life I feel like he has carried me a lot of the way.

So, fast forward to around summer of 2023. I began experiencing severe fatigue. I was an almost 7-year breast cancer survivor at that time. I had been living with fatigue from past treatment, but all of a sudden, I was dragging home from work every day and going straight to bed. Then I began experiencing stomach issues. I was unable to eat most days due to nausea and upset stomach. Anyone who knows me knows that me not wanting to eat means there is definitely something wrong. I also had severe swelling in my abdomen and could feel pockets of fluid under my skin. For months, I dragged myself to work and other commitments, but once I was home, I just gave in to the exhaustion. I was sleeping whole weekends away. I began to be very bitter and angry about being so sick and tired all the time.  

My symptoms worsened over the next few months. I went to my primary doctor for a full physical and described all of my symptoms. I was having severe glucose issues and after trying to adjust medications and not really seeing results, I was sent to a kidney specialist to make sure nothing serious was going on. I had an ultrasound that showed something suspicious. I was scheduled for a CT scan. On a Tuesday I went for a CT scan. I had not heard anything from my doctor by that Friday, so I logged into my patient portal, and the report was there. I understood the report enough to know that there were signs that I could have cancer. I called my oncologist who had treated me for breast cancer and left a message.

My husband had planned a quick getaway to try to lift my spirits and even though I just wanted to lay in bed and feel sorry for myself, he talked me into going. While we were driving up north, I was having the darkest thoughts of what I might have and what that would mean for my family. I remembered there was a chapel I had always wanted to see. I looked it up on my phone and it was on our way to our hotel, so we stopped. The chapel was full of people. We walked in and sat down. I felt an urge to go to the altar where a huge, beautiful crucifix hung. I went to the altar and knelt down. I said Lord, I am here at your feet and I am just giving it all to you. You know my needs. I am sorry that I have been trying to run my life without you in it. Please heal me.

So selfish right? I had been trying to run my own life, completely ignoring our Father, and now when I was afraid, I was willing to finally let him in.

But you know what? God answered. His love hugged me and I just knelt there and cried and cried. I was ugly crying at the front of this alter in front of everybody and I just let it flow! Healing washed over me and I felt so renewed. When I told a few people about visiting the chapel I told them I knew I had been healed that day.

In the weeks that followed I went through every test you can imagine while they ruled out different diseases. MRI’s, a PET scan, multiple biopsies – the final biopsy ended up requiring stomach surgery and landed me in the hospital for five days unable to eat or drink anything.

After all the results were in, on October 22, 2024 I received the diagnosis that I had peritoneal mesothelioma, a rare, aggressive type of cancer with a very poor prognosis. I was referred to a specialist who recommended immediate surgery. Without surgery his prognosis was that I would only survive 12-18 months.

The day of surgery, after an hour after it began, the surgeon came out to the waiting area to tell my family that the cancer was “everywhere” and he requested permission to use his judgement to remove anything that looked suspicious. During an 8-hour surgery, the surgeon removed what he needed to, then did a procedure called HIPEC where he poured warm chemo into my belly and sloshed it around, then rearranged the things I had left and sewed me up.

What followed was the hardest, most painful recovery you can imagine that continues today, almost a year post-surgery. God was with me every step of the way. I had a strength that did not come from me. He carried me.

Remember when I felt healed after our chapel visit? It is obvious now that I was full of cancer at that time but after giving it to the Lord, he showed me he loved me. He knew what I was going to go through and he prepared me for the journey. He cleared all the bitterness and frustration. He prepared my heart. He grew my faith. He carried me through surgery. He guided my surgeon. He brought me the gentlest and most caring medical team that cared for me after surgery. He held me through the nights when I was unable to sleep because I couldn’t breathe or because of the pain. He gave my family the strength to care for me. He reminded me of all my prayer warriors who were continuously playing my favorite worship song and praying with all their hearts for my healing. He gave us all hope. He continues to comfort me in all the ways I need. All because I surrendered it to Him.

As I sit here today, my scans show no evidence of disease. I am cancer free. I am still recovering from the surgery but gaining strength every day.

Having a relationship with God does not mean your life will always be happy and perfect. Bad things happen, but He is there to walk before, alongside, and behind us through it all.

I think sometimes about why I was healed when so many others are not. Maybe I’ll know someday, but for now I will just continue to give all the Glory to God because without Him I would not have made it through.